daily log 5/23/17

Parkour run yesterday. Apparently the route we took through uc davis campus was about 1.6 miles and we ran most of it. It has become clear that my capacity for dealing with my fear and knowing my body outpaces my strength and power. I find I can often do scary jumps that the others have a hard time with but are well within their physical strength. I struggle to do jumps that they can power through. I'll catch up eventually. Ate pretty well too, all fruit and veggies and rice for the most part. I'm getting a little more accountability on that one luckily, which makes me make better choices. If I have to tell someone else that I ate something terrible, I become motivated to not disappoint them. You'd think I wouldn't want to disappoint myself first and foremost but that does not seem to be the case at the moment. This reminds me of the "internal audience" concept coming from Dr. Doug Lisle getting our internal audience to stand up and applaud us by doing the things we know are right but struggle to make ourselves do. I like this concept of internalizing esteem in a sense because one can see how it works in the external world and apply it to the internal. There are certain people that I would hate to disappoint constantly seek their approval. I will even do things that I find personally difficult in order to please them. Perhaps it is no different with the self.